Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
