Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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