Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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