Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
