i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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