youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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