can we get nightvision for the apartment?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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