shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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