y did u give ur computer a hand job?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
