using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
