So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
