I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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