Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
