i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
