i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
