I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize