I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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