sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
