1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
