Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
