community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
