Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
COCAINE IS GR8
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