You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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