i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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