My Higher Power is John Stamos
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
