I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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