Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
