I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
