Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
