i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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