how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
