i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
worst night to have a conscience
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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