Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
