I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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