Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
