I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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