dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
