At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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