So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
