girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
