i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
