I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize