I wish I could teleport
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
