good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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