There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
