Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
