She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
