I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
