you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
