imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
