WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
