I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
