My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
