Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
