Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
