it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
