my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
