I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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