He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
