The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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