Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
