In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
