Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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