i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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