Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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