I think my fart just growled at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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