my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
